There are a few things we don’t talk about in my family. And one of them is the situation in Israel and Palestine.

It all started with an argument with my dad a few years ago. My dad is an open-minded guy, good-humored, always willing to help others, and able to see both sides of any issue. As I grow older, I see how his values of tolerance and service have shaped my own personal beliefs. These days, we often talk about politics, and we almost always see eye to eye.

But on the subject of Israel, my dad usually has strong feelings. Rooted in his heritage, and his emphasis on the importance of family, his beliefs arise from the fact that we have relatives living in Israel now, who fled there from Eastern Europe two generations ago. They reflect a lifelong wish to visit Israel, even if my mom won’t let him (too dangerous!). They come from 50-plus years of reciting the same prayer, every spring, at Passover Seder: “Next year in Jerusalem.”

Those beliefs are his. They’re not necessarily shared by everyone in my family.

So, after our argument a few years ago, this is one issue we don’t talk about at family gatherings–for the sake of keeping the peace.

Of course, the current crisis in Gaza–and Oxfam’s response–has brought this issue to my mind again. I’m glad that Oxfam strives not to take sides or get involved in political disputes. We’re responding to the humanitarian crisis in Gaza as we would to any humanitarian crisis anywhere: because civilians and families are at risk and need help.

But of course, this isn’t just any crisis, and it raises strong feelings among many Americans. I know because some of my fellow Oxfam staffers wrestle with the same issues. Some, like me, feel a little uncomfortable whenever the subject comes up, because it touches on personal stuff–like family and faith. Others have visited Gaza as aid workers, and feel shocked by the loss of lives and the destruction they’ve witnessed. Just because you work at Oxfam doesn’t mean you can easily set those feelings aside.

Even so, I’m trying hard to keep an open mind about the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. I’m a realist, so I think that peace will be difficult, and tenuous, and will probably require sacrifice on both sides. But for right now, in Gaza, I can see that an immediate ceasefire is the only way to stop people from suffering.

Deep down, I believe that saving lives, helping people, is the most important thing, no matter which side you’re on.

I guess it’s just the way I was raised.